well you can't waste a boner
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
