I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize