I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
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Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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