Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
