So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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