Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
