Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
