Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
