Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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