isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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