you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
thus making me awesome and them whores
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
