Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
