I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
