Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
