two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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