Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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