Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
