remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They took my balls.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
