look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
