sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
