I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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