hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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