do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
