shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
