im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
