just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
