living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
