No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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