So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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