Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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