I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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