Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
