I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
