For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
