In the future we'll all be gay
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What did we do last night that was yellow?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
