"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
