I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
