I'm eating all of the evidence.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
