you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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