Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My ass is underappreciated
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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