ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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