If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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