to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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