Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i've created a new STD.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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