Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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