he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
