My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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