I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
