In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
