By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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