He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
