Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize