it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
