I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
