Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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