trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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