I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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