you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
