Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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