i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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