My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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