I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
