She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
