the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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