I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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