whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
