What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
