Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
