Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
