Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
