mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just cropdusted the office
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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